⚠️ heavy post; please read through ➖The sense of urgency that I am always living in stems from fear of dying before I have a chance to make my mark. I had this massive revelation yesterday. Life is so temporary and I feel like everyone is living it like they have a lifetime but I am living like I am going to die in 5 years. I have always thought I would die young... I lost all of my grandparents and my mom before the age of 15 and I learned that You can do all the best things and shit will still find a way to go wrong. Maybe now that this has occurred to me and I have thought more about it, it isn't the age that causes me anxiety as much as the idea I will die before I feel I have had time to finish what I was meant to do. This is really what drives me. Not my moms legacy, but that it taught me we only have so much precious time to create ours. But, I am feeling at peace now. I spent the last month writing a book; my story. If you have seen the updates in my IG story of that giant document I was working on, that's what it was. It has helped me so much in so many ways but most of all to start living at peace because even if I were to die tomorrow there would be something left in my name tangible for those around me or at least I wrote it out for reflection, more to come on that in time. My legacy I guess is the answer. What I have to give. Is it over, fuck no I am just getting started but I feel like I can stop living like I am racing time and rather for the first time since my mom died live by embracing every moment🙂 .
i was inspired. i couldn't remember the last time i wrote, so i went lookin' in my notes and came across this poem i wrote last year. i miss writing. this is kinda long, but i hope it touches someone. thank you @choclit33 for the inspiration. #writing#Woman .
Blackbear lumbers along the path,
Down to the blackberry patch.
• • •
Beard of peach fuzz, peach juice-
Dribble down your chin,
Sweet nectar of fruit for you
To bury your face in,
Like the syrup you lick
From between my legs.
Love the feminine.
• • •
Run, run past the mullein
That's grown taller than your children.
Run until your feet are sore and dirty,
Your ankles scabbed and bloody.
And from beneath your footsteps,
The firm earth brings you plantain
To soothe your blood, your pain-
So you can run to the New Moon.
Planting season again.
• • •
You can't grow a garden in salty soil,
So cry, cry, CRY.
I see you, I feel you, I am you
As you learn to nurture needs, not weeds.
Hold safe space for yourself to
Grow, grow, GROW.
Root into self.
• • •
The moon waxes full,
And I fill my basket.
A forager, a fairy, finding
Sage, juniper, pine, cedar.
Wildcraft these boughs into bundles to cleanse,
Infuse these leaves into salves to mend.
"Go smudge yourself"
She smiles, stringing sage together.
I laugh, lose her in smoke,
The transient, translucent flow.
• • •
Manifest this energy
To visible reality
That resonates in my veins.
Pumped through my body
In blood, my power drawn
From the beating of my wild heart drum.
My skin taut, swollen breasts.
I beat against my chest.
Vibrate, breathe, give voice, make choice.
Love louder, sweeter.
Be the plantain to another's pain.
They can swallow your bitters.
Beautiful sunset last night ❤️🌅💕 glad to be able to gather mullein and plantain leaves beneath these ever changing skies 🙏✨🌿
how to reclaim hurtful words:
step 1: make a purse out of old jeans. reflect on the meaning of making ugly things beautiful.
step 2: cover it with all the hurtful things that people have said to you. take them out of others' voices & put them in your own handwriting.
step 3: realize that you are in control of these words. you can choose where to put them. you have survived them. they are part of your story too. reclaim it.
stay tuned for more.